Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
