My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
