You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
