After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
