Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im six kinds of drunk right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
