You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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