How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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