I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
