so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
