Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
