I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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