You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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