hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's the barista slut.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
