We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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