You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
