dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
