Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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