Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dick has a subreddit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
