I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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