Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
