WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
