yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
