Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
