i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
