I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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