Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
