I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
