Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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