At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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