What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
