3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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