you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
