: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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