i will never coherently bang her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
