I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
