Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
