woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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