I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
