I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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