If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
