I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
