who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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