so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
