Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
