ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
