are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
