Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it's like iHOP with fire
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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