I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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