It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
