everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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