Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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