Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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