so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
