so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
