Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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