chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
