Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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