Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize