i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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