those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
