i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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