i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
