Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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