I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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