She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
