ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
