so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
