Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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