i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
