I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
