I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
