Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
do herpes really smell.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
