You're my little dorito
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
