my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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