I think I won the penis lottery.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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he's gonorrhea incarnate
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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