I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
